Tuesday, March 6, 2012

GAD, MDD and PPD Part 1

I remember my first anxiety attack.
I was 8 years old and we were about to go on a family trip to Arizona.
My parents had rented a van and we had it all packed and ready to go.
Then as we were about to head out I just freaked out.
My stomach turned into knots and I felt like I had to go to the bathroom.
I cried a lot.
I was holding my family back.
As soon as I told my parents my stomach was hurting they said we would wait until I was feeling better but as soon as they said we weren't leaving I felt better.
It was strange to me at that young age and it happened so suddenly and I didn't know what was going on.
Well we went on the trip and everything went ok.

Many years if my childhood are gone.
I don't remember a lot of my childhood.
I don't know if something traumatic happened and I am blocking it out or what but I think it may have something to do with my anxiety.

These attacks were so very detrimental.
I would have them at the tiniest little thing.
My dad asked me to go to the store and I locked myself in the bathroom and told him to go without me because I didn't feel well.

In high school I had anxiety attacks every night.
I had them whenever there was a field trip or class trip.
I opted many times to stay back at the school or stay home because of these anxiety attacks.
I would go weeks without eating because of the stomach problems this caused me.
Needless to say I was a homebody and really never wanted to do much.
I'd get invited to stay the night at friends houses but I would find some excuse not to go.

I missed out on a lot of things growing up.
I missed ski trips, field trips, sleep overs, birthday parties and I even missed school from this stuff.

My mother took me to the doctor once and they told me it was a "nervous stomach ache."
I was told to take mylanta if I felt sick.
It didn't help. But I kept taking it hoping it would eventually help.

I had a lot of problems growing up, many which lead me to believe something traumatic happened to me.
Somethings I can't share here on the blog as some people don't know about this stuff and I don't want to cause them pain, or have them blame themselves for what I went through.

I was not diagnosed with any disorder until MUCH later in life.
But that is coming in part three of this "series" of posts.

I am thinking of maybe finding a hypnotherapist and see if I can figure out what/if anything happened to me.

This is all I can think to post right now that doesn't lead into the second part of this series.
I don't want to bog you down with a ton to read in one sitting so I will leave you with this part of my story.

Since this is about my past why not share a few photos of me when I was young.

Me and little cricket.

My little sister and I







No comments: