Tuesday, April 5, 2011

My Dad

So the other day I was at my parents visiting (I go there quite often because I get bored at home and the kids love playing in the backyard) and after being there only a short time maybe hour and a half (yes thats a short visit from me), I left in tears.

So Ora was being her typical self, climbing on me like I am some sort of playground or something, constantly kissing my stomach and hugging it and so on. I know the whole kissing thing sounds cute, but when she stands there day after day just constantly kissing and hugging (more like throwing her head on my stomach ouch) for a very long time, it gets a little old.

Well this day she was doing it, I was already in pain and I had to use the restroom as well (my dad was in there) I had been asking her for a good hour to please sit by her brother because I was hurting. I was calm this entire time and my dad finally came out of the bathroom. I gently guided Ora away saying "Watch out Ora, mommy needs to go potty" and she walked a few steps and as I went to walk past her she grabbed my leg, fell and I almost tripped over her and the catching myself part hurt like crap! (I have had this pain in my groin since about 25 weeks or so and certain movements hurt really bad). As I stumbled I got a sharp pain through my groin and my belly, pain in my back and everything and so I got mad. After an hour of her driving me nuts I FINALLY had it and snapped a bit. I raised my voice (to not even a full yell or anything) and just said "KORYN!" (her middle name which I call her a lot) and my dad comes down the hall "Cari don't yell like that".

This pushed my buttons to the point I felt I had to control. I yelled at him, a full yell and said "DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!" and he said "Well dont be yelling like that" and so on.

I went to the bathroom and started crying. I was so angry because he didn't see most of what went on so I felt he had no right to come telling me what to do.

There are so many things I wanted to say to him, but I didn't because he is my father and even though he can royally tick me off I don't want to hurt his feelings. So when I finished up in the bathroom, I came out gave my mom a hug goodbye and told the kids that we were leaving.

I came home and vented to my husband and he seemed to agree that my dad really had no place to say anything. I was so upset I was getting sick to my stomach and my husband suggested I write an email to my dad telling him how I felt.

I also brought up stuff from the past that my dad has done towards my son that have really upset me.

1. He told Judah to stop playing with something a while back, and Judah being a typical kid didn't listen right away. My dad yelled at him "JUDAH I SAID PUT IT AWAY! WHAT ARE YOU DEAF OR SOMETHING?" and I was really upset. My dad used to say things like this to me when I was a kid and it always made me feel dumb. The last thing I want for my kids is to feel stupid. I didn't say anything to my dad, but oh how I wished I had the guts to say "Don't ever talk to my children like that again!" but I have always been intimidated by my dad which has also caused me to be intimidated by men in general.

2. Judah was being bad and ripped a hole in one of their window screens (and no I do not think he should have gotten away with it) but my dad came in and without any sort of warning smacked Judahs bottom, hard, and yelled at him for destroying other peoples property etc etc. I did not agree with the way my dad handled it and it made me mad, but again, I was too intimidated by my father to say anything which made me feel like a failure as a mother not being able to stand up for my child due to the fear I had instilled in me as a child.

My husband said to include these in my email and tell him how I would have preferred he had handled the situation.

I said "I don't know, I just didn't like what he did" and J asked me "Well what would you have done in those situations".

Situation 1: I would have made sure I had Judah's attention, and told him the consequences of his actions if he didn't put whatever it was back that I had told him to or he would get a time out/grounded from tv or whatever the punishment may be.

Situation 2: I would have removed Judah from the window sat him down and explained what he did wrong and give him a consequence for his actions. For that I probably would have made his apologize and then he would have had to do something for grandma and grandpa to make up for ripping the whole in the screen. A chore or something that maybe had to be done at the time.

I just never know what to do at the time these things take place. Once I am removed from the situation and I have time to think I come up with what I should have said or done. I hate that my brain is too slow in making these decisions.

Yesterday my husband went over to my parents to pick up some thread and rick-rack I had left over there, and I guess he told my husband that he didn't mean to hurt my feelings and that he was sorry. This caught me off guard because I never heard my dad apologize. It's just not something my dad does.

Well. Thats that. I needed to get that off my chest once more.

1 comment:

Jamie said...

I love that you hold nothing back in this post. There is such a strangely undefined line between parenting your own children and having them be grandparented at the same time. (Not a word, I know, just go with it.)

Someday someone will find a balance and write a few books about it - which none of us will read but it's nice to know you're not the only one stuck in this situation. Run-on sentence. Sorry.