Feelings of Guilt #NaBloPoMo

Lately I have been having feelings of guilt.
I feel guilty because I feel like Ari has gotten the short end the the stick.
With Ari I never got to breastfeed, we didn't get to visit him in the hospital as much as we did with Judah since we had two little ones at home.
As far as getting him to the doctor on time for his shots, we always forgot.
It got to the point that at his 9 month appointment (which he didn't even have until he was close to a year, he had to get FIVE shots, when he normally only would have had one or two.
And pictures... When Judah was an only child I took a lot pictures of him EVERY day.
With Ora, it slowed down a bit but we still got a ton of pictures and videos.
With Ari, there have been weeks where I have completely spaced getting pictures of my little man
Between running all around and being busy with all three kids, it's gotten harder and harder to take pictures.
I have also been AWFUL at printing pictures.
I want more pictures hanging on my walls. I want so much more.
I need more memories
Ok, now I feel like I need to clarify, I don't just neglect taking pictures of Ari, it's a neglect of taking pictures of ANYTHING including Judah and Ora, husband, randoms, etc.
So I don't feel entirely guilty because it's mostly just pictures right?
But I love looking back at all of my kids baby pictures
I usually always cry wanting to hold their tiny little bodies in my arms again
In fact I want to go back further and feel them squirming around in my womb.
That was by far the BEST feeling in the world.
To know that there is a life within me, growing and being nurtured by me and only me.
I tend to go on little tangents when writing on my blog so please forgive the jumpiness of this post.
Back to the feelings of guilt.
The last time any Ari pictures was when he was in the NICU and I was being hospitalized for PPD and PPA.
So when I received an email for a FREE Shutterfly 8X10 Collage, my first reaction to it was, I am sad to say, "Great Pics of all the kids on it!"
After dinking around trying to get it all set up, I decided to do a newborn-1 Year collage of Mr. Ariah.
Here It Is:


Then here are some pictures of the individual, full size version of each photo:

He was a whole 10 lbs 13 oz, nearly 11 pounds! That is a size 1 diaper they have on him. They needed to get him some size 2 diapers :)

One month, on the blanket I crocheted for him!

Two months, he was not so sure what to think about the grass!

Three months! Getting bigger and more grumpy. This was right before a major fit!

Four months and as CUTE as can be! My sister said he looked like Lyle Lovett because of his hair! lol

Five months and starting to get his uber chub back. He had lost it for a bit!

Six months, so alert and playful!!

Seven months, finally growing the hair on the sides back in and looking less Lyle Lovett-esque!

Eight months with gorgeous blue eyes! His hair is getting lighter and lighter!

Nine months, snoozing on mommy and being oh so adorable!

Ten months, he's a super blonde boy now, a toe head, yet the tips of his hair were still light brown! It made his hair look dirty all the time :)

Eleven months and learning to cheese at the camera. He made such goofy faces that, I admit, only a mother could love! lol

One Year Old!!!! Messy chocolate face from nummy oreo! (I honestly never realized the shot of the tv in the background! OH MY WORD lol.)