Sunday, March 4, 2012

Heavy on my heart

So for those of you who don't know, before I met Jonathan I had lost two babies.
One never developed properly and I lost the second around 9 weeks.
I had a feeling the first was a boy and named him Tayte Lee, and the second I felt was a girl and named her Angel Moral.

I have two tattoos. One on each arm and they are the babies names.
A couple weeks ago my 5 almost 6 year old asked what my tattoos said and I told him.
He then asked who they were so Jonathan and I told him that he had a big brother and a big sister. Since then Judah has talked about his big brother.

Today he was with Jonathan when they went to the store.
Jonathan went to unbuckle Judah from the car and Judah said "Wait, I have to unbuckle my big brother and unbuckled the buckle next to him.
He proceeded to "hold hands with his big brother".

He told Jonathan "I am holding my big brothers hand, he died but he's my imaginary friend now.

I am not entirely sure how to take this.
Jonathan said he is just infatuated with the idea of having a big brother. That he wants a big brother.

Let me ask you, my dear readers, what would you do if this was your child?
What would you think?
What would you do?

I think it's sweet but sad at the same time.

And just because he's cute and this post is about him:
My Handsome silly man!


kriznizzel said...

This is a hard one... I'm sorry for your two losses. I don't have any advice, but if it was me I would just go with it, I agree with Jonathan, that he loves the idea of having a big brother.
He is adorable in this photo.

Nessa Bixler said...

That is so hard - but I think it shows a lot of compassion that he has. I would just keep talking to him about it or letting him talk to you.

Tanya said...

Could be his way of working through his sense of loss. I'd leave him be. Hugs to you, though.